Molly's Five Favorites

Molly's health took a turn about a month ago.   I suspect the issue (failing kidneys) has been slowly manifesting, but recently tipped the scales.  I keep thinking NOT NOW!  NOT THIS YEAR!  IT'S TOO, TOO MUCH.

With the gracious and expert care of our beloved Vet we've been given a reprieve and she's still with us.  Saline injections every other day, but she's still here.  She's skinny and still a creep at times (one of my nicknames for her).  My husband, B, reminds me that her feistiness is a good thing and likely means she's feeling better.  This is her normal.

A few days after she came home from the clinic.

It was a Wednesday evening when I took her to emergency care. The next morning B transferred her to our Vet Clinic where she stayed for a week. I visited her everyday except Sunday. They let me have a room and we got to talk and hug for awhile. Well maybe not hug since she's not really a huggy cat, but I know she was glad to see me and to hear me.  And I was glad to caress her, to put my head against hers, and to look into her beautiful eyes.

A friend recently wrote something on her Facebook page that I've decided to take to heart.  Several years ago her favorite vet spoke some advice when she was dealing with an aging pet.  The advice was to create "My Aging Pet's Top Five Favorites".  When these favorite things become impossible or no longer enjoyed, then it's probably time to make some decisions.  So she and her beloved dog sat down together and made their list.

Tonight Molly and I made her list.

I'll watch for when she's struggling.  I know it's not today, but today I need this list to help me cherish the time we still have and to minimize the pre-grief that steals today.  I know we're in the bonus round and we still have good days ahead for us.  Hopefully weeks and maybe a month or maybe months.

So, Molly, here are your favorites and I'm going to promise to enjoy them with you.

• Jumping on the kitchen table to eat TREATS with the dogs
• Sleeping right next to my computer 
• Batting at Grace on the opposite side of the baby gate 
• Stealing Calvin's better tasting food*
• Shredding paper while I'm trying to pay bills

*** 

* Item four is what inspired this post.  She hates her new KD food.  HATES, HATES, HATES!  We tried a new food yesterday and she liked it for about one and a half meals.  BUT she LOVES Calvin's food which is formulated exactly opposite of what she needs now.  We are hopefully going to try a new food tomorrow.  Hoping she'll like that one.  Not too many other options left.   If the choice is between starving her or Calvin's food which exacerbates her issues, I know what choice I'll make but gosh it's a shitty choice.  

Today's Smiles

* Venti half-caff one-percent latte

* Lunch with my best friend who happens to be my husband

* An email from my mother-in-law about her great visit with one of her grandchildren (one of my nieces)

* Nuzzling with my kitty, Molly

* Looking out my front window at our beautiful daffodils and pansies

Sweet Comfort

Molly is sitting beside my computer.   She is very sweet and she's doing that semi-nap thing, e.g. eyes half closed, head dropped, just quiet.  Today she provides me comfort and reminds me that I am loved.  I am grateful for our animals' intuition.  (This is an old picture, but one of my favorite.)

Today I remember my childhood dog, Candy.  She was a collie and our beloved dog.  My memory was of a time when I was really sad.  I sat on the back porch and Candy came over.  She sidled up under my arm.  I cried and she licked my tears.  It's a precious memory for me.  

Molly's Carrier

I thought I would post another story about Molly. It is easy for me to share about her and I'm not sure why. She is such a great kitty. Well, all our animals are ... each one in their own special way. :)

I remember a story about her when I took both cats to the vet several years ago. I had a really hard time getting her in the carrier. Unfortunately, I got anxious and she sensed that. She growled and growled. Not happy at all. Finally sweet Calvin, Molly, and I drove out of the driveway and on to the vet.

Calvin easily made it through his checkup, but when it came time to get Molly out of her carrier, she would have none of it. The vet tech opened the little door and she hissed with that low growl and made it clearly known she was not coming out. I began wondering if I would have to reschedule the appointment.

Just then the vet tech (red-headed Marshall) started unscrewing the top half of the carrier from its base. When he removed the lid, Molly looked kinda shocked. I laughed a bit thinking Molly perhaps thought she got the better of them. Well, not that day. The vet completed the exam in the carrier. He didn't even try to pull her out. I was impressed.

I was struck by this whole experience. While eating lunch with my friend the next day, I shared about Molly's encounter with the Vet; his flexibility and the gentleness of his care. I thought about the times I am in such a tizzy and I just want to stay safe and captive in my cage. I realized how grateful I am that God is absolutely brilliant and will find an alternative way to meet and connect with me and will still listen to my wounded heart.

Kitties Love the Fall Sun

And so do I.

(Earlier in the day I moved the outer panel
out of the way for Calvin, but of course Molly
worked her way into the best spot.)

A Lesson from Molly

Last week my husband and I took care of a 5 month old kitten for a friend. This was his second extended stay with our animals (2 cats and 2 dogs). Several weeks ago he spent ten days in our house when this same friend cared for our animals while we were gone.

Molly, my sweet, sweet cat, really struggled with the new kitty. She growled and hissed when he came near, but thank goodness she was never aggressive. She just seemed snarky over the interloper who seemed to steal our affection and attention. (The kitty, Trypod, worked his way into our hearts quite easily I might add. He was hit by a car when he was very small and now has a bum foreleg. Our friend rescued him and nursed him back to health. He is amazingly agile and adorable on those 3 1/2 legs.)

At times when I tried to pet Molly she lashed out with her claws and, of course, I backed away. But after several days I decided to just sit and talk to her, but not pet her. After awhile I could see a visible calm and eventually, she let me pet her. I discovered she really did want us to spend time with her, but just not too close.


Well, the day before Trypod left Molly came to sit with me as I was writing in my journal. She lay right next to my thigh for a little bit and then snuggled very close. (I love this!!) I kept writing in my journal and would periodically pet her head.  After a bit I was thinking about how special Molly is to us and I bent over pressing my lips to her head as I often do and said these words:

Molly, don't you forget YOU are loved! 
Don't you ever forget that!!
We love you so very much.  

I had tears in my eyes because the truth is we really do love her even though we had this little kitty with us.

As I said these words to my Molly I recognized a deep gnawing pain inside my guts. I can't help but wonder if I'm not a little bit like Molly. Sometimes I forget I am deeply loved. I forget this and then I lash out and pull back, but the truth is I really just want to be connected and accepted. When I remember I am deeply loved the fear subsides. I'm more open to give and receive. The pieces in my life seem to fit better.

Favorite Fabric

Yesterday I worked on the new quilt. I finished cutting all the pieces with my rotary cutter (2nd favorite invention in the world) and I sewed together all the bias rectangles. Of course Molly had to "help" at one point. She is sitting to the right of my sewing machine. (She is "asked" to leave when I'm actually sewing or cutting. She is definitely a curious cat.)

Here are closeups of the bias rectangles. I bought a wonderful tool that makes cutting and piecing these types of triangles a cinch. This is one of my favorite piecing shapes. At some point I'd like to make a Tennessee Waltz quilt which includes bias rectangles also.


My favorite fabric in the quilt is the purple floral. I love how the flowers seem to dance on the background.

Purple is one of my favorite colors, so it's no wonder this kit caught my eye.

Quilting Binge

I started quilting again and I'm having a blast. I made my last quilt almost 10 years ago. Hard to believe! I'd forgotten just how much fun it is to work with colors, fabric, thread, the rotary cutter, my new sewing machine. I'm once again a regular customer at the fabric store and even signed up for the "Preferred Customer" program. Ha!! I finished two baby sized quilt tops from simple patterns (Sweet Baby and Mine Shaft) using some left over material. (I did buy some yellow fabric because the yellows in my stash were not quite right. Plus it was a good excuse to go to the fabric store).

My next step is to decide how to quilt the tops. Computers and digital cameras have changed that process. I took several photos of the tops and printed them so I can draw out the quilting pattern on the printout. In the past I sometimes drafted a miniature version on graph paper with color pencils. That was fun, too, but very time consuming.

(Of course I had to include one with Molly! She's new to the whole quilting and sewing thing. She's always been a very curious cat, but most of all I think she just wants to be with me. My squirt bottle is coming in handy at times.)

Cats in Backpacks

You know how cats love boxes and bags. Well here's a new one. They love backpacks, too. Miss Molly's at it again. What a goof!

Sleeping Cats

There is something very calming for me to watch sleeping cats. As I write this entry one of my cats, Molly, is laying just above the keyboard asleep on my desk. She does this quite often when I'm working on the computer. Occasionally, she will s-t-r-e-t-c-h out and then immediately fall back asleep. I'm not really sure why I like to watch my pets sleep. Something about it brings something good to my heart.

Here is a pic of Molly fully stretched on our futon.

A Tear of Joy

I was planning to replace my last entry with rewritten text, but something within my soul said, "No. Keep writing. Don't sensor." So here is the replacement text, but as a new entry.

* * *

Sometimes when I look at my animals a tear forms in my heart and every so often it makes its way down my cheek. Not a tear of sorrow, but a tear of joy. Joy that my cats, my dogs and their humans (three species no less) live peaceable under the same roof...well most of the time.

Frederick Buechner talks about this "tear of joy" in his book The Longing for Home. He recounts an experience with his wife and daughter when they "caught a glimpse of the Peaceable Kingdom". The experience that elicited their tears was at Sea World (of all places). He describes it this way:

The way the show began was that at a given signal they released into the tank five or six killer whales... [They] went racing around and around in circles. What with the dazzle of sky and sun, the beautiful young people on the platform, the soft southern air, and the crowds all around us watching the performance with a delight matched only by what seemed the delight of the performing whales, it was as if the whole creation -- men and women and beasts and sun and water and earth and sky and, for all I know, God himself -- was caught up in one great, jubilant dance of unimaginable beauty.

For a few moments we had seen and been part of the great dance that goes on at the heart of creation. We shed tears because we were given a glimpse of the way life was created to be and is not. We had seen why it was that "the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy" when the world was first made. (Buechner 1996, 126-127).

I, too, have gazed upon this dance between human and killer whale, and quite unexpectedly my eyes filled with tears in the same way Buechner describes. At the time I didn't ponder the meaning, but drank the goodness of the moment. It was a glimpse of something delicate and beautiful, something good.

Home

As I think about what to post today I think of Miss Molly, my 6 month old tabby cat. She is curled up on my lap. Sometimes when I look at my animals a tear forms in my heart and every so often it makes its way to my eye. Not a tear of sorrow but a tear of joy. Joy that my sweet cats and dogs seek my presence and desire my love and affection. Our home is a place of safety and comfort for them. Our home is a place of safety and comfort for me, too.